I have wanted to write to you for a while now to let you know what I’m up to, what’s happening with me since I last wrote to you.

At the end of June, when I returned from my solo journey in the Balkans, I realized a huge shift had happened within me. The person who left was not the person who returned. I needed time and space to sort things out for myself. All I wanted to do was stop everything I was doing and focus on finding my deeper truth.

In the Balkans, I experienced how valuable freedom, joy, exploration, and discovery are to me, how much I need variety and spontaneity in my life. I also longed to stop pushing and ‘shoulding’ myself. This is what I’ve been exploring for the last several months.

Another thing I discovered on my journey is how much joy I can experience in really simple things…sitting on the banks of the Grand Canal in Venice and partaking of the unique sights, sounds and smells around me. Hiking around Plitvice Lakes in Croatia, surrounded by luscious turquoise waters. Delighting in the stunning Alpine scenery from my balcony in Lake Bohinj, Slovenia. Savoring the brilliant colors in the harbor of small village of Cres, Croatia.

In those moments, I experienced such deep, abiding joy and contentment within me and a certain knowing I had everything I needed in that moment.

Since my time in the Balkans, I’ve been hanging out, doing what I feel called to do as much as I can in each moment. I’ve found deeper joy and connection with my family, more inner peace – a LOT more inner peace – and way more relaxed! I’ve stepped out of ‘achiever mode’ and am exploring ‘being.’

Plus, in October, Doug and I spent two glorious weeks in Brazil where we made like the locals – chilled and enjoyed the simple pleasures of the moment…delicious fresh fruit, watching the waves, sleeping in.

And, in the midst of all this, in the background of my mind, I’ve wondered if I would ever do anything again. What if I ran out of things to do? What if I couldn’t find what I was seeking? What if I couldn’t find anything I wanted to do? What about all these ideas about children and relationships that I kept feeling the urge to share?

I’ve done my best to trust myself and my process in all of this, to give myself time. I can feel the tide begin to turn inside me. Something new and joyous is coalescing inside of me…the possibility of new ways to share the ideas about raising children and partnering that have been so valuable in my life and those I have guided.

I sit here now, knowing change is in the wind, as I explore new possibilities for adventure in the world and in sharing the information I feel such passion to share. As I get clearer, I will let you know more.

As always, I would love to hear from you, how you are doing, your joys as well as your challenges and questions about bringing out the best in yourself, your child, and your partner. Our families are our richest and most profoundly important treasure of our lives. What do you want to enjoy more with your family?

I wish you and the family you cherish a most joyous, fulfilling, and loving of holidays!

Here is a link to the recording of a radio interview I did last year about “Reducing Stress with Your Family during the Holidays.’ I hope you enjoy it!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/womensjournaltalkradio/2010/12/16/survive-holiday-family-stress-with-joy

I look forward to hearing from you and connecting with you again soon.

Happy Trails!

To your Joyous Family!

Connie

Do you ever feel swamped in plastic toys that have a way of multiplying when you turn your back?

Then they hold your child’s attention only moments until he is on to the next thing?

Most children have too many toys in general; and most of these toys do not encourage or support children’s optimum play.

Webster defines a ‘toy’ as “an object, often a small representation of something familiar for children to play with; a plaything.” I find this definition somewhat limiting, especially when the definition of ‘play’ is “an activity engaged in for recreation, as by children.”

Children do have fun playing; however, for them it is more than simple recreation. Play is serious business for them.

Play is the way children learn, which means children love and enjoy learning. This is their natural state, a perpetual state of exploring, experimenting, and discovering, and learning. They LOVE it!!

(This is important to remember when we see what happens to children’s love of learning when they participate in most educational programs. I wrote more about this in a recent post How Children Learn Best) http://www.joyousfamilyliving.com/children/how-children-learn-best/

Because play is essential to their optimal development, it is important to provide learning environments that nurtures your child’s full potential to learn. This is where ‘real toys’ come in.

Real toys are real-life objects, such as measuring spoons and cups, lids, jars, rocks, bungee cords. Often the seemingly mundane of objects of life hold great fascination for them.

Older children love much the same materials. What’s different is the complexity and skill with which they use them.

If you observe your child when he is playing, you’ll discover the skills he is developing that motivate him to keep learning.

One of Bas’s favorite activities is collecting things from my desk and seeing what he can create with them. These include my stapler and staple puller, scratch paper, 3 by 5 cards, scissors, tape, pens, markers.

Last week in our backyard, he balanced bricks on a piece of wood, then used it as a lever, then used what he’d made to build a house for Mouse-Mouse. (I’m not sure where he got this name.)

Fifteen minutes later, he’s in another section of our backyard and using redwood needles to build a castle, which he promptly destroyed. Then he decided to build a bridge across a narrow rut using a redwood twig and discovered that it was too short to span the distance.

Then he hunted around and found a couple of longer sticks. Woo-la! He built two bridges!

And so it goes from one exploration – creation to the next and not a single plastic ‘toy’ touched!

Children love real objects. They love materials they can manipulate and which they can use in diverse ways.

Traditional toys, plastic toys, often lack options for creativity and self-expression. They have limited function and learning potential to your child. Once she masters whatever learning is in the toy, she loses interest.

Once you realize your child uses toys for discovery and self-expression, you’ll easily understand your child’s limited attention to these toys.

So next time you consider buying your child something from the toy store, no matter how cute, colorful, or invitingly displayed, take a moment and consider it’s learning and self-expression potential for your child. Many buttons that make different sounds has little potential for either learning or self-expression for your child.

Invest wisely in few toys that give your child hours of exploring and discovery, and remember every-day objects provide optimal learning and self-expression for your child. You can put your wallet away!

While you’re at it, tell your family and friends what you toys you want for your child, especially during the holidays and for his birthday.

Please share with me and other parents what ‘real toys’ your child loves best. What is a toy you purchased for her that enjoyed for a long time? What did she lose interest in quickly?

Okay, we had a great time in Mendocino over Easter weekend. I tried to choose just a few photos and I simply could not post any fewer. I love so many of them!

I love sharing my family with you!

To shorten our driving time, my British friends and I flew from
Tripoli to Sebha – a one hour flight – before heading out in 3 Land
Cruisers into the Sahara the next morning.

Driving for 5 hours on the highway was very uneventful, except for
frequent checkpoints where we gave the military personnel a formal
paper with a list of all the people in our party including the cook
and his driver.

Driving off-road into the desert sand was spectacular! The first two
days we drove through the Acacus Mountains, black rock structures
draped in pale orange Sahara sand. Our campsites were dramatically
beautiful with untouched dunes to climb and photograph.

While here we delighted in ancient rock art images dating from 10,000
years ago. I especially loved the giraffes and horses, although
everything was interesting. Fascinating to know these and other
animals used to call the Sahara home.

The last two days and nights in the desert we were surrounded the
gracefully undulating dunes, stretching as far as the eye can see,
with nothing else in sight. It was unendingly beautiful!

Highlights of the trip –

Our drivers, each with their own beautiful heart and playful
personality. Have you ever raced up sand dunes at 60 mph and then slid
down the steep side, 200 to 300 feet below? Two of the drivers were
like cubs, trying to out-do the other in speed and driving ability,
never passing the skilled lead driver. It often took my breath away
and was such phenomenal fun!

One of the other women and I went running down one of these steep
dunes, picked us so much momentum we were moving our legs as fast as
we could just to keep upright and then did a full-on face plant in the
next dune. Talk about momentum and propulsion. We never saw it
coming. Good thing about sand – it’s painless!

Another highlight was climbing a 400 foot dune of very soft sand in
the last light of day with our fantastic guide Dave so we could get
high enough to get cell coverage and send text messages to my family.
Then standing in the dark with the sand blowing at our feet and
pulling up a gps map of our location in the dunes. Totally cool! Then
retracing our steps going down, using our headlamps for light in the
now totally dark night!

Also, the last night we had a pretty strong wind so my tent was
blowing a lot during the night and then tried to take off with me in
it the next morning. Our guide posted a video of this on YouTube,
which I haven’t seen yet. I’ll post it when I return. The internet is
slow here so I can’t.

Not to be forgotten, our sweet, tender-hearted cook indulged us with
delightful, tasty meals of couscous, veggies, and camel meat for the
carnivores.

I will always treasure this fun adventure with my British friends!!

I’m here and I’m delighted! Much more Westernized than I expected. Similar energy to other Third World countries done in a Libyan style. Frontier feeling. Nice group of Brits – 7 of us plus 2 guides and a security person, although he wouldn’t intimidate me if I wanted to cause trouble. Kinda like the 2 guys with the sling shot in Guatemala who said they were protecting Doug and me several years ago.

Thrilling when we flew in over the Mediterranean and I saw Africa for the first time. An exotic land out of a storybook.

We walked around the medina – old town- before dinner. Beautiful mosques and my beloved arches everywhere.

Tomorrow evening we fly south into the Sahara and then camp in the desert the next 4 nights. I know I’m going to have fun!!!

I’ll write again when we return. I am in good hands.

Today was awesome! I did exactly what I planned and went to the North Sea. It was overcast and no rain or wind.  I walked the beach about 4 miles round trip. Loved being on the North Sea!

My day was a series of encounters – from the interesting to the fun to the difficult and challenging to the profoundly heart-touching to the ones that helped me grow. Actually all of them did that, including the tiny little snail I met at the side of the trail in the dunes, as she moved herself along about 1/4 inch at a time with no sense of rush and urgency. She reminded me of the horses – accepting wherever they are and whatever they are doing at the moment without judgment or resistance or desire to be somewhere else.

Every encounter was a story, which I’m sure I will share in the coming weeks and months.

Tomorrow -Saturday – is the Big Libya Day!  I have my train tickets and plan already set to get to the airport tomorrow morning. I fly out at 10:30am.

I met a man on the beach today who has been to Libya 2 or 3 times on business. He said there are so many police in Tripoli that it is one of the safest places I can go. Excellent! Interesting how many people have said they thought Libya would be dangerous. I can certainly understand why based on the media and international news.

I’ll write more as soon as I can. We leave to go camping in the desert on Monday evening.

Blessings to you all!

I am loving Amsterdam! It is the most relaxed, friendly cosmopolitan city I have ever experienced! Everything seems to be on a small scale compared to the States. Small streets, small cars, small homes, intimate, small restaurants. Bicyclists everywhere – all without helmets. It feels leisurely compared to the SF Bay Area.

I have experienced so much in the last two days. I’ll give you a quick rundown. BTW, I haven’t experienced jet lag at all! The techniques I’ve developed worked wonderfully.

I’ve met so many friendly people, all willing to take the time to help me, to talk and laugh with me. This includes the wonderful couple with whom I am staying. Jelmar and Annette are amazing!

Wednesday was a beautiful fall day here with many moments of sun. I walked all the way downtown and back – at least an hour each way plus all my side paths and detours- so I was pretty tired by the end of the day.

My visit to Anne Frank’s house was much more interesting and compelling than I anticipated. Her story was much more profound being here, and I appreciated the questions they raised about the freedom of speech and what should and should not be allowed. They made no judgments – just raised thoughtful questions in a multimedia experience at the end of the visit.

I love all of the canals, many with cute houseboats. There is water everywhere. I also love all the small, intimate ethnic cafes and shops. Delicious bread. I am surrounded with an unlimited choice of ethnic foods and everything I’ve eaten has been nourishing and delicious to my body and my soul.

Today – Thursday – I slept in until 9:15 after a very sound sleep of almost 10 hours. Then went to the Van Gogh Museum, which was a short walk. His art is interesting when seen in chronological order and his story is even more compelling. Very inspiring really, even though it had a tragic ending. He was so courageous to follow his dream to be a painter and to leave a legacy of his painting that expressed real human emotion.

He painted for the last 10 years of his life without any previous painting experience or training. In, fact, he taught himself! As I walked through this museum honoring his work, I was touched that his dreams came true, even though he didn’t live to see it. This museum is one of the most-visited in all of Amsterdam and people from all over the world come here to see his work and relate to this complex man. If you haven’t read a detailed account of his life, I invite you to do so.

Then I ventured downtown via the tram and made my way over to the famous Red Light District. I was definitely out of my element! If you visit Amsterdam, you have to visit the Red Light  District. Even here I felt totally safe and I did see the lovely Old Church, which is the oldest building in Amsterdam. One highlight of the Red Light was a store that sold exclusive condoms. I’ve never seen such creative and funny ones. There was the deep sea diver, the elephant, a skull, Big Ben, plus many more I can’t recall right now. I did take a photo to help me remember.

I had a delicious Thai dinner – it was comfort food for my soul.

Tomorrow I’m taking the train out of town to the North Sea coast and then on my return stopping in the small town of Haarlem for some sightseeing. There has been virtually no rain the last 3 days and tomorrow they are expecting rain most of the day. I’m going anyway. I love Mother Nature in her raw power and I can always opt to get inside whenever I want. Plus I’m borrowing a raincoat since the wind at the sea would probably destroy my umbrella!

I LOVE experiencing other countries! It’s always easier and more wonderful than I imagine when I’m planning my adventure. Everywhere I go I meet interesting people, most of whom are heart-touchingly kind and friendly. Being a global citizen enriches my life in so many ways and makes me a wiser, more understanding person.

Happy trails to you all!

Having fun time with your child is hugely important to both you and your child. Yet in our busy lives, it’s easy to forget to make time and to let the moment go by.

When I watch my wonderful son Orion play with his son Sebastian, I love seeing how much fun they’re having together. I decided to talk with Orion about these fun times with his son to see what I could learn.

In the video below, I interview Orion about the difference it makes in his life and in his relationship with Sebastian and with his experience of being a dad.

I recommend you take a few minutes to listen in. After the call, I realized I had learned something important about myself and my relationships, including the one with my grandson.

What Orion has to share about having fun can impact your entire life, if you really think about what he is saying.

Enjoy!

If you’d like to discover Orion’s personal guidelines of how he creates fun, playful times with his son, become a member of my Joyous Family Coaching Circle and join us on our August Family Empowerment Call!

My grandson Sebastian is now 2 years 9 months old, and I want to share a fun story with you.

One of his great loves is ‘driving’ one of our pick-up trucks. As you can tell from the photo, his scrunched up face indicates the passion and sound effects he puts into it.

One of the things I love about Sebastian and pickup trucks is that for now he calls them ‘hiccup trucks.’ I want him to say it forever since it’s so amazingly cute.

A few weeks ago we’re hiking in Mendocino in the middle of the woods, I think I hear him make a real hiccup sound, and I ask him, “Did I hear a hiccup?”

He instantly stops, looks around carefully, and says, “I don’t see one.”

Cute with a capital C!!

I’ve had to capture his saying this amazing word because I know it won’t last long and he’ll soon be calling them by their proper name – pickup trucks –  so I recorded him saying it.

I’d drive around with him, looking for pickup trucks and trying to get him to say it on my recorder. I was minimally successful. When I didn’t have the recorder, he repeated the magic word numerous times. Recording – I had to work hard to drag it out of him.

Here is a 30-second recording in which he says both ‘hiccup truck’ and his way of saying ‘walkie-talkie.’ Click the link to listen. Enjoy!

Sebastian’s Cutest Words 6-2010

I’d love to hear your stories about about your child’s cutest words! Please share them with me.

Doug and I loved taking our 2-year-old grandson on our trip to Mendocino, a lovely, intimate town on the Northern California coast. As always, we stayed at the comfortable Inn at Schoolhouse Creek, a few miles south of town.

We enjoyed our hike up Jughandle Creek Trail to the Pigmy Forest at the summit. We all loved seeing the crazy abundance of mushrooms springing up everywhere. The most we've ever seen.

Sebastian practiced saying, "Mushrooms." Mostly it sounded like "Rooms." And he got really good at recognizing them.

The donkeys are at the Inn.

I hope you enjoy our photos!

This is Doug and Sebastian with Maureen, owner of The Inn at Schoolhouse Creek w/ husband Stephen, and their two children, Kayla and Max.