Excellent movies with heart, depth and
emotional sensitivity are rare. House of D, filmed in 2004, succeeded
brilliantly in all of these areas. The movie is a coming of age story about a
13-year-old young man who cries out for stable, emotional connection with
others and who is tossed about by life into having to find his answers and
strength within himself.

This story about the importance of relationships
during adolescence clearly shares with us the depth of caring and desire for
connection during this stage in life. Tommy, brilliantly and sensitively played
by Anton Yelchin, displays moral courage and integrity, making tough choices to
do what is right, even when the cost to him is high.

We don’t usually attribute these
qualities to teens. They often seem so cold, callous, and immoral by our
standards. What I’ve found is that every young person possesses within herself
the qualities displayed by Tommy in the House of D—depth of caring for people he
loves, desire for connection, moral courage and integrity.

Why aren’t these qualities obvious to
us adults?

• We make moral judgments about their
  behavior and fail to see the heart of every teen.

• We expect them to make choices based
  on our values, not on theirs.

• We criticize them and then wonder why
  they put up emotional walls to protect them from our judgments.

• We hide behind our walls of adulthood,
  parenthood, learned elder and miss the opportunity to authentically connect.

We can make other choices.  I see parents who take my Parenting with Joy Training find the clarity and courage to make new choices. Then they discover the heart and soul of their teen.

It is possible. What is your next step? Begin it today!

A movie recommendation for those individuals and families who enjoy animation, Shark's Tale is great family fun. The music is happy with a cool beat. The colors vivid and inviting. The script interesting for young and old alike. The story sweet with the age-old reminder of the hurt and separation caused by not allowing your child to be who he is and the heart-felt joy by everyone when acceptance is found.

This movie was out a few years ago so you'll have to rent or buy it on DVD. It's worth owning.

Have Fun!!

“Downfall” is an intense,
historically-authentic film about Hitler’s last days in his Berlin bunker. It’s
based on the documentary Blind Spot: Hitler’s Secretary, in which the German
dictator’s stenographer, Traudl Junge, tells her story of these emotionally
intense days.

What most touched me about the film
is the price paid in human clarity, compassion, and free will when someone
takes on the role of The Authoritarian and others submissively follow. When
people around the world reflect back on the events in Nazi Germany, they often
feel confused and appalled that a bright, educated people could allow the
atrocities committed in their name.

This film makes it powerfully clear.
It’s all about too much authority. When children are taught to follow
instructions and to obey their elders, the people in authority in their life,
they stop thinking for themselves. They lose their autonomy and independence
and easily succumb to doing what they are told, even when it goes against their
own inner sense of right and wrong.

There are powerfully dramatic
moments in the film that demonstrate the disconnect people have from their own
emotional wholeness when they unthinkingly give up their power and seniority to
someone to has obviously lost touch with reality. People urgently clinging to
the hope that Hitler will find a way out. People carrying out his orders to
fight to the last man even when circumstances indicate it is hopeless.

Even more poignant were the
suicides, couples shooting each other, a mother poisoning her own children.
People partying and drinking as if everything were safe and normal.

All of these people were grown,
capable adults who continued their childhood pattern of doing what they were
told and not thinking for themselves.

For his part, Hitler was a
demanding, self-consumed little boy in an adult body who refused to accept the
downfall of his regime. He expected blind and total obedience, even after he
and his wife committed suicide together and left his closest followers and the
people of Germany to fend for themselves as Russian troops took over Berlin. He
was blinded by his own need to win and control.

The message to parents and educators
is to be aware and cautious of the obedience you seek to extract from your
children and students. No one wins in a scenario of authoritarianism and
control by adults.

Naturally, parental and educator over-use of power seldom results in such extreme actions by young people; however, the cost to children and their caregiver are still high. Children’s natural brilliance and self-confidence is
diminished. Their ability to think for themselves and be true to themselves is
compromised. Plus you place yourself in the position of leader without always
knowing what you’re doing and where you’re going.

I highly recommend this movie “Downfall.”
There are a few vivid scenes, which can turn your stomach, yet it’s really
worth watching when you study what’s happening psychologically and the
emotional damage caused by too much authority based on fear. This movie is not
for children or the faint of heart.

The movie Failure to Launch is very funny and entertaining. Matthew McConaughey and Sarah
Jessica Parker star in a story about a thirty-something man who lives at home
with his parents. Sarah is hired by his parents to get him to move out of the
family home.

This movie
addresses an increasingly prevalent phenomenon of young people moving back in
with their parents after college or never moving out at all. One of the special
features with the DVD is a collage of interviews with grown men who still live
at home and their parents as well as authors in the field.

The argument
presented by the men and their parents for living together is they love each
other and it makes practical financial sense. I totally understand this
perspective.

The thing
that concerned me, however, was the dependence and lack of autonomy and
personal freedom that both parents and children experienced in their
relationship with one another. All the men said they’d like to move out some
day and yet emotionally seemed unable to do so.

As I
listened to the parents talk, they want their sons at home to meet their
emotional, not the needs of their sons. Their sons needed to be empowered and
their emotional wholeness nurtured.

The foundation
of this kind of limiting relationship between parents and their children begins
when children are young. The pattern simply continues into adulthood. We see
more of these in modern times because of current parenting beliefs and
practices in our culture.

The only way
this kind of living situation can truly work and be emotionally healthy for
both parents and children is that each person has complete autonomy to be who
they are. The only agreements and expectations are based on sharing the
day-to-day necessities of living.

It is not
emotionally healthy or empowering to anyone when parents continue taking care
of their children in ways they can do for themselves. Then children struggle to
develop the skills they need to take care of themselves and fail to launch.

I recently discovered the work of educator Albert Cullum
when I watched the documentary A Touch of
Greatness made about his work.  He was
an elementary school teacher and college professor and a brilliant, insightful,
courageous, innovative educator.

When he became a teacher in the 1940s, Albert
Cullum realized something was lacking in his classes and decided to stray from
the by-the-book, discipline-heavy style favored by his colleagues, instead
using poetry and drama to put life and emotion into his teaching.

When I looked him up in Wikipedia, this is what I found…

Albert Cullum (1920-July 2003) was an American elementary school
teacher in the 1960s. Instead of the standard Dick and Jane style of teaching, he opted to introduce his children
to classic literature such as Shakespeare and Greek dramas.

Unlike other
teachers at the time, Cullum strongly believed that learning and play could be
combined in the classroom. Cullum was the author of numerous books about
education including the best-selling The Geranium On The Windowsill Just
Died But Teacher You Went Right On, which sold over half a million copies.

He taught at St. Luke's School in Greenwich Village in the 1940s, and at Midland School in Rye, New York, in the 1950s. He then went on to become a professor of education
at Boston University and at Stonehill College

Many of Cullum's pedagogical experiments and class performances were
captured on film by irreverent filmmaker Robert Downey, Sr.

A documentary called A Touch of Greatness was made
about his life in 2004. This
documentary from Leslie Sullivan (produced by Catherine Gund) depicts a man who
challenged traditional teaching methods and proved that creativity has a place
in every classroom.

Cullum believed that within every child there is a touch of
greatness. It was his job to find that and nurture it. The movie speaks for
itself about the powerful results of his work. Many of his former students
gathered to reminisce and honor his amazing work.

The
documentary is great. You can either order it from Netflix or purchase it 
from Amazon.

To order the book or documentary from Amazon, just click on the link below:

I just finished watching "Stranger Than Fiction", about a man who discovers he is dying and decides to get a life he loves by living fully who he is. The hero Harold Crick is in the same position we are all in…we will eventually die. We just don’t know when.

The timeless question arises, "If you know you were going to leave this physical plane in the next week,  month or year, what would you do? What would you REALLY do? Would you modify the actions you take, the things you notice? Would the people and the beauty around you become more apparent? Would you be kinder to yourself and let yourself be who you really are?

What would you do to enjoy your life more? Who and what would be your highest priorities? 

Make some time in your busy schedule to evaluate what you’re up to in your life. Make your life as full and joyous as you can right now.

If you haven’t seen "Stranger Than Fiction," rent it soon.

I watched an inspiring movie yesterday based on a true story
Freedom Writers. Erin Gruwell as a first-year
teacher chose to work in recently-integrated Long Beach School District in Southern California. She taught just after the riots surrounding the
Rodney King verdict. The first day she walked into her classroom, eager and
innocent, wearing her fashionable suit and pearls.

In walk her students—African-Americans, Hispanics,
Asian-Americans, and a few white students—all wanting to be somewhere else, having
no interest in her or whatever her do-gooder-ness had to say. They were simply
putting in their time and, at best, tolerating her.

With each passing day, the interaction in the classroom and
her passion for her work, spiraled downward. Just as she was about to give up
ever reaching them, ever getting past their protective bravado, she discovered
a teach-able moment that connected with them. The transformation and the love
affair began.

The movie authentically reflects the realities of life for
the youth. The day-to-day struggle just to stay alive. Gangs as family and the
loyalty of being true to your own. Their hardness with their pain buried deep
beneath the surface.

The movie powerfully demonstrates what connects with young people, irregardless of their age, ethnicity, or cultural background. This is what works.

You have to show up as the person you truly are, with all of your strengths and limitations. This makes it possible for your child to connect with you. Children become distant and detached and manipulative when you try to be a good parent or teacher.

It’s all about relationship-the emotional connection between the two of you.

Every child wants to succeed in life and to lowingly relate with you. Sometimes they and you become distracted from this powerful desire and then the power struggles, impatience, and misunderstandings begin.

Last night I watched Touching
the Void, a movie about two young men who attempted to climb an Andean
mountain of 21,000 feet. This is such a powerful story about living on the
edge. It took my breath away, and I was held powerfully in suspense until the
very end.

All of us live in life and death situations as we go through our days. We often delude ourselves by going unconscious that this is the dance we
are doing constantly. We are always walking on the edge of life and death. Mountain climbing makes this edge
visible. You are consciously aware that this is the situation in which you
climb. 

In Touching the Void, Simon
and Joe face fear and death in ways most of us seldom experience. Their story
will absolutely inspire you with who we all are and with what is possible for
you in your life. I don’t recommend you tackle climbing Siula Grande yourself. I do recommend you find your own joyous edge for living a full life. 

I don’t want to tell you too much about the movie. I want you to
rent it, and then tell me what you think, what you felt and experienced.

Joyous Edge Coaching guides you to take the healthy, self-loving risks you need to take to move forward in your life.