What Matters Most This Holiday Season?

Here is my newsletter from November that somehow didn't get posted here in my blog. Even though the holidays are here, it is always good to evaluate and focus on what matters most during this time of year. 

A client recently shared a post from Julie Bogart's blog-"All They Want for Christmas is…You!" She reminds parents how important they are to their children during any time of year, including the holidays.

Here is my article from Joy with Children…

We are quickly coasting into the
holidays, a time of year that brings us joy and love and often feelings of
stress, overwhelm, disappointment, and frustration. By planning ahead before
the holiday rush begins, you and your family can experience the joy of the
holidays and less of the stress and pressure.

Many
parents and educators get caught up in the rush to accomplish during the
holidays. They want everything to be "perfect" based on their beliefs
about what the people around them want and what they believe they should be
doing. They lose their focus and feel overwhelmed by all the gifts to purchase
and events to attend.

Sometimes people accept the chaos and frenzy
of the holidays as inevitable and try to get through them the
best way you can, as if they are an ordeal to survive. This is not the
healthiest or most fun way to experience the holidays.

If you
want your holidays to be more joy-filled, the most important thing to ask
yourself is, "What
matters most to me this holiday season?' The two most important
words in this question are the little words "to me." Not what matters
most to your child or your parents or your partner or your friends.

Take a moment, right now, and think
about this question. What does matter most to you this holiday season? What do
you want to experience? If you have a pen and paper handy or your pda, jot down
some notes and ideas to answer this question.

If you've
taken a few moments to write down your ideas, you've probably come up with some
words like these–fun, joy, great loving times with my friends and family,
calmness and contentment. Imagine what it would be like to have the kind of
holidays you most desire!

When you look at these priorities,
you'll discover they are about the emotions
you want to have this holiday season. They are how you want to
feel and be, not what you want to do or have. Yet so often the holidays are
about doing and having. We seem to believe these are the way to create the
emotions we desire.

Somewhere
in your list of priorities you may have included something about gifts you want
to receive and gifts you want to give to others. Once again, if you look
deeper, you will see that your desires about gifts are also ways to create the
emotions you want for yourself and the people you love.

I find that our emotions are at the heart of
what drives us as human beings. They are foundational to who
you are, whether you are an adult or a young person. They drive your actions
and those of your child, yet people seldom give their emotions much conscious
attention.

When you don't pay attention to
feelings, your own and other's, when you don't nurture your emotional
connections with the people you love, this is when the holidays become
stressful and not fun. Your lack of attention to emotions leads to hurt feelings,
misunderstandings, and disappointment.

My secret
for truly joyous holidays is to focus
on the emotions you want to experience this holiday season.
Then consciously make choices based on what will truly nurture you and your
child's emotional wholeness this holiday season. Set your personal boundaries
to take good care of youreslf. Here are some questions to guide you.

What feelings do I most want to
experience this holiday season?

What experiences will nurture my
child's and my emotional wholeness this holiday season?

How can I lovingly respond to the
demands and expectations of others that are not in alignment with what is best
for me and my child?